


Cold Winter Air

by flowerbedstyles



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerbedstyles/pseuds/flowerbedstyles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tragedies happen; Louis needs to learn how to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Winter Air

You snuggle closer in on yourself, the brisk London air biting the tip of your nose harshly, trying to block it off with your scarf. Snow is sprinkling throughout the city covered by a grey, clouded sky. It's been five years, five extremely long, yet excruciatingly short years. That news hits you like a fucking train as you come to a halt in front of the coffee shop because _five years_. You shake your head, wiping your mind free of any and every thought, as you walk in for your daily cup of coffee.

The weight on your left ring finger suddenly feeling as though it could crack the earth in two and pull you under.

Amy, the barista, already has your usual order ready along with a second cup. "This one's on the house, have a nice day Lou." She quietly pushes your coffee forward, and the second cup along with it. You don't even have to check to know it's black earl grey tea, with two sugars and no milk. Exactly how Harry loves it. But all you want to do is scream. Scream and pull your hair out because no one deserves this two weeks before Christmas.

 The nod of your head is the only thank you Amy gets from you and you should feel bad, _you should_ , but strangely you don't.

You and Harry met almost ten years ago, today, in this very coffee shop. You'd opened the door, just your luck, hitting him in the process. His coffee spilled all over his coat and scarf and to this day you kind of cringe at that thought because it's so _cliché_ yet you can never wipe the smile off of your face at the thought. He'd obviously been a gentlemen about it, later asking you out on a date (later you would find out that was the best damn date of your life.) He had taken you out to an expensive italian restaurant, to which you left 15 minutes in because it wasn't you two _at all_. You ended up going out to a small American styled diner, laughing your ass off for a good two hours. As always, he walked you to your door bidding you a good night before turning and walking away. As you got your keys out, unlocking the door, he was there behind you gently grabbing your shoulder turning you around to face him. "I couldn't just walk away without kissing the most beautiful boy I've ever seen, after the best date I've been on in _years_." he admitted with a smile, and that _damn dimple_ poking out like a crater on the side of his face, that you just wanted to poke, with his angelic curls framing his perfect bone structure. "Thank God." you'd whispered quietly back before you had your best, absolute best first kiss. In that exact moment you knew you'd be gone for this man, if not already. You dated regularly for almost two years when he "popped the question" (otherwise known as the best day of your life. (Although you were a bit angry at being labelled as the 'girl' in the relationship, but hey you topped. Although no one needs to know that.))

 You're shaken out of your memory as you hear the horn of a taxi, and the quiet murmurs of loved ones, holidays, movies, and television specials throughout the London on goers. You take your first sip of coffee, the heat of it burning down your throat, as you stop at the familiar street sign. You make a left, of course you make a left, because this path is engraved in your memory. Engraved in there for the rest of your life because this is the spot. This is the spot where the love of your life asked you to marry him. To completely devout your lives to one another and you couldn't have asked for more.

 Harry had given this long speech, going to the extent of jumping on the edge of the small bridge, where you of course grabbed onto his ankle like it was your fucking life line because he was. He was and is your life line. As he declared his love for you to the moon and stars, he jumped down, onto the safe ground (and to this day you still won't admit you let out a sigh of relief thanking everyone in the universe he didn't fall off that damn bridge), and tucked that one piece of your fringe back into your beanie that always seemed to fall out, in such a gentle way. That was your thing, you realized. He then grabbed your gloved hands with his winter chilled ones. He looked you in the eyes and softly said "You're my world. My universe. My reason for living. You're what grounds me to this damned world. You're the reason I want to wake up with a messy house because I know you're still crazy enough to be with me. Yes, I just called you crazy Lou, but that's only one of the millions of things I absolutely love about you. I love you and every little part of you from the way you get these little crinkles right in the corner of your eye, to the way you become this little ball of anger when you watch a certain tv show or movie. And I could stand here for hours upon hours listing the reasons I love you, but I'd rather show it like this." At this part he got on his knee, and a part of you knew that this was where this was going but it was still a complete shock, you still can't figure out why. Maybe because you were just in shock that Harry Styles of all people on the planet would love you with everything he has. "You're the best thing that's happened to me and the only thing I can think of that would make it even better is committing my whole self to you, because I love you with all my heart, Louis. Every fiber of my being. So, will you do me the complete honor of completing my world and marrying me?" He'd finished pulling out a small, perfectly sized, yet beautiful ring. Of course you'd cried, you tried to hold them in and be the damn man you are but you couldn't. Small tears pooled in your eyes as you choked out a "yes." Of course you said yes, this was Harry. Which lead him to smiling so brightly you thought the sky was going to burst open and the stars were going to fall down mixing in with the snowflakes gently hitting the cold ground, as he picked you up and kissed you senseless. You married a year later on the same exact day he proposed, 9 years ago today.

You will yourself out of that thought as you come to the bridge. You come here every year on your anniversary, because it's so completely special to the both of you.

 It's empty, of course it's empty. It has been for five years.

 You quietly walk to the center of it setting the tea right next to your coffee on the edge of the bridge. You swear you can still see the foot prints of Harry from when he proposed, as you quietly smile to yourself. You hear footsteps walking towards you from behind, and you should've know they'd be here, as someone gently sets a hand on your shoulder. You turn to see a familiar set of green eyes, only slightly different, since they belong to your sister-in-law, Gemma. "I knew you'd be here." She says so quietly, you almost lose the words in the winter winds, as she guides her hand from your shoulder to rest lightly on your clasped hands. You look away from her eyes because _it hurts_.

 "I loved him." She only nods in response. "I loved him so damn much Gem. Why did this have to happen. He was my world. We were planning to adopt. He was my favorite part of this planet. I loved him with everything I had, I loved him so much." Your voice cracks on the last few syllables as the realization crashes over you. You'd think you'd be moving on from something that happened five fucking years ago, but it feels like an iron fist just keeps punching a deeper hole in your stomach, your heart, every where every single day. You feel as though the dam breaks and you should feel selfish, but in a way you don't. Gemma welcomes you in her arms as you sob not so quietly into her shoulder. "Louis, shh. It wasn't your fault. He was at the wrong place at the wrong. You know that. He loved you every second of everyday, and he still does. He's watching over you wherever he is, and you know that. He wouldn't want to see you hurting, babe." Your cries have lightened as you nod into her shoulder. "Can you just, give me a minute? I'll meet you at your car." You say to her as you pull away from her embrace and lightly wipe at your frozen nose. She squeezes your upper arm, understanding flooding through her eyes, as she nods and walks towards her car parked a ways away.

 Once she's out of hearing range, you quietly pick up his tea, your coffee long forgotten. You gently twirl the liquid filled cup in your hands as you speak to the wind, hoping he is listening. Somewhere. "I loved you, Harry." You blink out looking over the edge of the bridge, willing the tears away. "I loved you with everything I had. Why did you leave me? We didn't need the milk at that exact moment, I told you that, but you insisted on going out to get it. At least I got to kiss you and tell you I loved you beforehand. I would've never thought I'd be getting a call telling me that you--" You cut yourself off because you can't say that word. _Died_. Yeah, you can think it but you still can't bring yourself to say it. "You know I love you, and God, I hope you hear me now. I miss you Harry. More than you'll ever. I love you so much, there aren't enough words in every single language to describe how much I loved you.. how much I love you." You throw his tea away in the conveniently placed trash can, as you turn to go. "Well your sister is waiting for me, so I better go. I'll see you again next year Harry. I love you forever and always." You quietly whisper into the empty air.

 And you swear, _you swear_ , the breeze blows in a way that feels like someone is trying to tuck that one piece of fringe into your beanie, the same way Harry did so many years ago at this exact same place. You pause, knowing not only in your head, but completely in your heart, that in some way that's Harry saying he's here, because he always is, and he loves you. You smile to yourself as you walk away, because you wont tell anyone that little, yet simple fact. Because that's your thing. Your's and Harry's thing, forever.

 

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic and my friends loved it so i figured i'd post it for the world. yeah, i hope you like it. do what you need to do !


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